Stoner Cricket Club

Founded 1934
  The 1999 AGM 

Friday 30th July 1999

In attendance: Kay Bennett

Rollo Wicksteed

Ben Roberts

Matthew Quantrill

Matt Evans

Connor Wilkinson


  1. Rollo Wicksteed was elected almost unanimously to Chair the 65th AGM of Stoner Cricket Club and the last one of this millennium. Matt Evans was appointed to take the minutes of the meeting, no vote was taken. The democratic validity of this process was questioned, the Chairman Mr. Wicksteed, pointed out the failures and fallibility's of democracy. Rather than draw the Chairman into a prolonged philosophical discussion on this point, those in attendance kept quiet and pondered the works of Ibsen.
  2. Apologies, were received from Bruce Moore, who had gone to South Africa for the week. As a newly appointed VP, his commitment to the Club was questioned.
  3. Damien Morley also apologized. Matthew Quantrill pointed out that Damien was the only person to read the AGM notice and was not yet a member of the Club, he was duly voted in despite this uncharacteristic Stoner behaviour.

    No apology was received by Derrek Roberts, it was believed that the current volatile nature of the natural Gas market was keeping him fully inflated and that we were unlikely to see him until the bubble ignited.

    Justin Jones was apparently at work, which came as a surprise to many.

  4. The minutes of the last meeting could not be found although Rollo had the 1994 and 1996 minutes. The Chairman decided therefore to make them up and all were in agreement that they were a more than usual accurate account of what had happened.
  5. The Club President questioned if the meeting would go past mid-day as she had a rosebush that needed pruning.
  6. Matthew Quantrill stated that an offer of 100 to the school had been made to support a design project for a wicket cover but had as yet not been taken up. The interest accrued on this sum now allowed a revised offer of 106.

  7. An offer of a copy of Wisden had been made to the School Library. This was kindly rejected as they already had a Wisden (dated 1973) and saw no reason to have another. A biography of W G Grace was therefore purchased and is believed to be located under 19th century medical pioneers. A discussion then ensued as to the problems the current Librarian had faced as an adolescent with regard to cricket. It was quickly established that she had faced characteristic bad behaviour from certain Stoner members, which had left deep mental scars (the President was seen to nod knowingly).

  8. The re-election of the Vice Presidents was next on the agenda, no current fixture card could be found although Connor located a 1937 card from the pavilion that looked remarkably familiar.
  9. The President was re-elected with only a tremble from Mr. Evans. Ben Roberts looked a little crest-fallen. The last Stoner founder member Jim Atkinson had died. The mood at the AGM by now had turned quite sour and without Roberts senior to keep the morale buoyant, a number of Vice Presidents were dispatched as they had not been heard of or were suspected to have passed over to the other side. Confirmation of sightings in the members stand at Lord's was not deemed evidence of life. Those de-robed included De-Halpert, Mrs Jacks and T W Slack. Mrs Wicksteed continued to deny she was a VP, Matthew Quantrill claimed that she had however been quite pleasant about it. Rollo seconded the motion that indeed Mrs Wicksteed could be quite pleasant. The motion was passed with a large majority (without the need for the Chairman's casting vote).

    7. Elections:

    Matt Evans recommended that Matthew Quantrill be elected a VP but quickly withdrew the idea as being silly. However, the seed was planted and the President nominated Mr. Quantrill, quickly seconded by Connor. It was agreed that Matthew be made a VP with a 1 year probationary period Warming to the idea, Connor nominated Paul Hutt on the spurious grounds that he had been Stoner's treasurer for 15 years. This was seconded by the President who was starting to worry about time available for deadheading her roses. Mr Evans requested that we just put Mr Hutt on the fixture card thus covering all 4 male Hutt's for the price of one.

  10. Chivied by the President further elections went at some pace as follows:
  11. General Secretary: Matthew Quantrill

    Honorary Treasurer: Derrick Roberts

    Team Secretary (selection committee): D. Roberts

    Team Secretary (selection committee): Jo Banks

    Parent's Day game: Justin Jones

    Stoner Football match: Charles Cecil

    Stoner Hockey match: Justin Jones

    Stoner Golf match (to be held in Stoner Week): Connor Wilkinson

    Other minority sports to be investigated by Matt Evans

    Connor promised not only to organize the Golf match, but also to provide some suitable trophy.

    The Flag Pole Sub-Committee was re-elected with Ben Roberts as Chairman and Jack Evans as Chief Executive Officer with the requirement for a second flag pole for visiting teams. Mr Wicksteed, having pointed out that Steep had had nowhere to nail their colours.

    To allow for the President's horticultural appointment, all other members were re-elected under one block vote scheme, which seemed to fit nicely with Mr. Wicksteed's opinions on democracy.

  12. The statement of accounts was reviewed and agreed, proposed by Connor and seconded by Ben. It appeared that the treasurer had been achieving 6% interest on funds, those attending showed considerable desire to contribute their life savings to such a high interest account (the Abbey National only currently yielding 4.75%). Ben could not enlighten those present if this had been achieved by his father putting the monies into Qatari LNG or on the favourite in the 2.30 at Kempton Park.
  13. Fixtures to remain the same.
  14. New members elected:
    Liam Orchard Webb
  15. Damien Morley

    Jo Banks

    Barney Green

    Nick Gay On the basis better for us than against us having scored over 50 runs on two occasions during the week playing against Stoner.

  16. Presents:
    Ground staff - 60 approved, which coincided with an interruption to proceedings by a junior ground staff asking if we had seen Charlie. It was noted that this shirtless individual had a pierced nipple and it was suggested that the money could be used to pierce the other nipple. A lot of unnecessary nipple talk ensued.

  17. Tea Ladies - 20 to be distributed by Kay.

    Matt Evans recommended that a Bird-box be purchased for the Pavillion as birds had been defecating on memorial benches to former VP's. Warming to the idea the President recommended a Bat-box for the Pavillion (Connor who had lost the thread at this stage mentioned that the kit-bag had both bats and boxes).

    It was roundly agreed that encouraging bats or batting was highly recommended and in the spirit of the club, besides any pile of guano would reduce the cost and need of fertilizers. The President agreed to make the necessary purchase.

    Other presents included a bottle of wine to the assistant Bursar.

  18. Champagne moment of the week to Liam for an outstanding catch.
  19. Low Alcohol moment to Derrek Roberts for giving Nick Gaye to the opposition and finding himself short of a player.

    The Band Aid award to Lawrence Goldsmith for the 3rd consecutive year. (Hamstring, Tendon and now a split finger). Lawrence has threatened to move to the area next year to live. Concerned local members were worried if the local Health Service could cope. It was agreed that Mrs. Goldsmith was generally good news and more than offset the possible rise in the local authorities rates.

  20. Other points:
  21. Matthew Quantrill stated that he intended to put out a winter circular to members. Matt Evans suggested a website page. It was agreed that a Website sub-committee be formed under Ben Roberts as Chairman, Liam and Oly to be co-opted and Jack Evans (Web Master) to create and design the layout. That a report should be submitted at the next AGM on progress. The Chairman Mr. Wicksteed expressed concern that a unique Website address would be hard to obtain, until someone mention perhaps might do. Mr. Wicksteed looked confused. Indeed the President who appeared to be worrying more about aphids than silver surfers was keen to press on and on to a subject she knew more about.

  22. The subject of portable phones was raised after an incident during the Steep game when a member's phone enraged Charlie Gordon to the tune of the William Tell overture. To avoid future annoyance, it was agreed mobile phones should not be used within 200m of the Pavillion (Thus enabling those fielding at long-leg to maintain some grip on reality through contact with the real world).
  23. In line with the ruling on women being allowed access to the long-room at Lords, it was unanimously agreed that women should be invited and even encouraged into the Stoner changing rooms at every opportunity.
  24. On a question of drugs testing for Stoner players, it was encouraging that so far all tests had proven positive, the Chairman however had not as yet noticed any improvement in Stoner players performance and wondered if the right performance enhancement drugs were being used.

    Further to this subject, Mr Wicksteed was asked if he intended to take his cricket into the next millennium. He stated he was taking one year at a time, which was widely taken by those present as a yes.

The President's concern about her roses by now was reaching epic proportions, so the Chairman in the best tradition of Stoner asked Mr. Evans to shut up and offered warm thanks to Messers Bennett, Roberts and Quantrill and promptly left at 11.45am.


Matt Evans - 30/7/99